The Joys of Missing Out
I used to think people were lucky to live in a city where there was a lot happening all the time, where conferences, exhibitions, different meetups, markets and festivals were always taking place. Not to mention that the internet already provides us with so much connectivity through talks, live streams, chats, social media, memes, instant invitations etc. And then, there are friends and family, work colleagues, kids’ events and all the other interests that might grab our attention along the way. Even though once upon a time it sounded and felt exciting to have all these opportunities to interact with great people, I got to the stage where I began to relish the joy of missing out (JOMO).
I am sure it has happened to all of us… You’re invited to a dinner party, maybe drinks or another event, but you can’t make it. Maybe it’s a deadline, maybe it’s an important call, a school pupil free day and you have to stay home or it’s just feeling tired and choosing to chill at home, to recharge your batteries. Whatever the circumstance, I used to wonder: What am I missing out on? Are my people having fun without me? What if I get dropped from the “in” list? The typical FOMO propagated through social media, which I have to admit I used to suffer from before moving to Austria. But while away for 3 years I learnt that “missing out” has a direct correlation to the level of self-fulfilment and daily purpose. Also, realising upon my return that not much had changed in three years (apart from myself and my outlook) provided a soft landing.
Instead of yielding to the social pressure to be at the right place at the right time, with the right people while showcasing our lives through the fake lenses of the online world, I now chose tuning out and becoming intentional with my time. It means relishing in staying in, enjoying my own company, getting to work on my other pursuits, enjoying the small things — like watching a documentary with my husband lying down on the sofa with him while having a glass of wine, working on my block printing and my calligraphy projects of lately, working on my garden getting ready for spring time or reading by the pool in the sunshine for example. Maybe it’s a wisdom that only comes with maturing — I just turned 45 and I’ve never felt so happy in my own skin, I am truly appreciative of the “less is more” ideal.
Often, opting out and saying ‘NO’ is all that is needed when seeking an easy, drama free, low key type of enjoyment. We need to go back to the old fashion idea of restraint and moderation, which is something our society has lost a grip on — we’re on a path to destruction if we continue following the “all you can eat” approach to entertainment! By cultivating self-restraint and upholding moderation we can begin to develop a more fulfilling way of living, rather than doing things in order to assuage boredom, and at the same time protecting the planet we live in. When we’re happy and thriving in doing less, instead of always being available, we begin to concentrate on what is really our daily purpose, we tap into the essence of living an intentional life — by allowing ourselves to act on intent-based ideas, such as creative projects or spending time with people that nurture our souls, our true selves.
A few months ago, on a Friday evening I was invited to a “girls’ dinner and drinks” and even though it was probably only 15 minutes’ drive from home, I didn’t feel like going. I was tired, I wasn’t in the mood for futility nor frivolity, neither I felt like dressing up and getting ready to get out of the house again after a full day at work. I wanted to have a shower, put on my pajamas and enjoy a quiet time with my family (doing sweet nothing). My husband on the other hand kept on pushing me to go: “Come on darling, once you’re there you’ll enjoy it — the girls are counting on you — isn’t it nice to be wanted, to be invited to things blah blah blah”. You see, my husband is an extrovert and a social butterfly, but I on the other hand am an introvert (with moments of extroversion) and a social chrysalis. Sorry, I digress… against my better judgement I got ready and left to join the shenanigans. Halfway there, I started to feel annoyed with myself, pushed into doing something I didn’t want to do and my mood descended. Halfway there, at a set of traffic lights I turned around and went back home. It was almost as if I had gone crazy or something, as my husband’s and kids’ expressions were of total shock, they couldn’t understand that there was no single cell in my body wanting to go out, that I chose to honour myself rather than going along with what was expected of me.
I usually say, “If in doubt, don’t”. If it’s about disappointing yourself or disappointing other people, I am of the opinion that it’s best to disappoint other people in order to retain the connection you have with your body, with your gut feeling, with your intuition. After all, people come and go, but if we stay true to ourselves and honour our inner knowing, it pays off tenfold in the long run. Also, ever since Covid-19 stopped us in our tracks, it became clear (at least to me) that it’s much more acceptable nowadays to opt out, to choose less, to do less, to be more intentional rather than being led by the fear of missing out (FOMO).
I know within myself that if I have any doubts about something it’s because I am not completely sold on the idea. Simply put, I am very strong willed and when I set my mind to something, I usually get what I want. Therefore, my gauge is my gut feeling, my intuition, because if I really felt I wanted to do something it wouldn’t even be a question — would be there!
The Joys of Missing Out = We’re human beings and not human doings!
